Confession …

Notizia del: November 5th, 2012

A drunk man staggers into a Catholic Church. He enters a confessional booth and sits down, but says nothing.
The priest, who is sitting on the other side of the booth, hears him. After a few moments of silence he coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues sitting there.
Finally, the priest gets impatient and so he hits the wall with his fist three times.
The drunk answers, “Look, there’s no point in knocking, pal! There’s no paper in this side either!”

[SpeakUp]


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Two hunters are out in the woods …

Notizia del: May 20th, 2012

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other hunter takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says, “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead”. There is silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “Ok, now what?”.


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A sheep

Notizia del: November 1st, 2009

A man found a sheep and showed him to a police officer. The officer said, “Take that sheep to the zoo, now!”
The next day the police officer saw the man with the sheep again. He stopped the guy and said, “What on earth are you doing with that sheep?”
The guy said, “Well, what do you want me to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I’m taking him to the movies”.


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Fishing

Notizia del: September 13th, 2009

One morning a woman takes her husband’s fishing boat out on a lake. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and starts reading a book. A game warden comes along in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says: “Good morning, ma’am. What are you doing?” “Reading a book”, she replies. “You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area”, he informs her. “I’m sorry, officer, bt I’m not fishing. I’m reading”. “Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up”. “For reading a book?” she replies. “You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area”, he informs her again.” “I’m sorry, officer, bt I’m not fishing. I’m reading”. “Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up”. “If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault”, says the woman. “But I haven’t even touched you!” says the game warden. “That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment!”.


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The devoted wife

Notizia del: December 13th, 2008

A devoted wife has spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said: “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?” “What, my dear?” she asked gently. “You’re a goddam jinx!”.


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Fargo

Notizia del: November 9th, 2008

A Norwegian from Sioux Falls, South Dakota, took a trip to Fargo. When he was in a bar there, an Indian on the next stool started talking to him in a friendly manner:
“Look”, said the Indian, “let’s have a little game. I’ll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I’ll buy you a drink. If you can’t, then you buy me one. Ok?”
LEGGI IL RESTO »


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Exam Answers

Notizia del: October 15th, 2008

Le seguenti domande sono state fatte ai GCSE exams (General Certificate of Secondary Education) in Inghilterra. Ecco alcune risposte date dagli studenti sedicenni.

QUESTION: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
ANSWER: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

LEGGI IL RESTO »


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A Blonde Joke.

Notizia del: June 2nd, 2008

[Speak Up]

Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead and one’s a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and so the executioner shouts: “Ready! Aim …”
Suddenly the brunette yells: “Earthquake!!!”
All the people are startled and they throw themselves on the ground: the brunette escapes.
Next the guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts: “Ready! Aim …”
Suddenly the redhead yells: “Tornado!!!”
Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts: “Ready! Aim …”
And the blonde yells: “Fire!”


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